This Mother’s Day feels different because I am not the same mom I was last year.
On December 17, our second son Shepherd was born. We named him Shepherd because we loved the shepherds’ story in the Bible and how they were the first to hear of Jesus’s birth. On January 8, we found out that our Shepherd couldn’t in fact hear at all. We walked into that ENT appointment discussing what we’d pick up from the grocery store on our way home. Two hours later, we left in shock, pamphlets on hearing loss haphazardly shoved into the diaper bag, Shepherd snoozing peacefully in his car seat, unaware of the way our world had just been turned upside down. Just like that, we found ourselves navigating a new world of extensive hearing tests and sign language apps, working with language specialists and figuring out how to keep hearing aids on a wiggly baby.
Simply put, the last four and a half months have been both brutal and beautiful. I’m a mother in two worlds now and am learning how to bring them together in my home.
We’re still at the start of Shepherd’s story, and I for one cannot wait to see it unfold. It has been a lot to process and something I hope to share more about over the coming weeks, months, and years to encourage those going through the same thing – because you are very much not alone. So many people were there for us (you know who you are!) as we adjusted our expectations and embraced a different sort of adventure.
But for today, as I reflect on this tender intersection of mothering both a hearing son and a deaf son, this is what I want to share.
Life with a deaf child is not a bad thing. It’s an absolute blessing. You don’t have to say you’re sorry, because we aren’t. It’s just different and sometimes different is scary. But I’m quickly realizing that everything about raising children is scary and vulnerable. This is just another thing that we get to learn and grow from. And while we still have so much to learn, here’s what I know right now.
– I would not change a thing about my son.
– God is not surprised by this.
Those two things are enough for me.