The freedom to change.

You’re allowed to change.

As I sat on the beach this week with my son, the same beach I grew up on, it hit me how much I’ve changed over the years. And yet, I’m still so resistant to change. Namely, changes I see in myself. 

Whether it’s my priorities, my goals, my schedule, even my body, I’ve felt both saddened by the changes I’m going through and excited at the person I’m becoming. I’m not the same as I was before, and I think that’s okay. We are allowed to change our minds. We’re allowed to go up a size in our shorts (hello postpartum body). We’re allowed to try new things that aren’t the “usual” for us. We are allowed to surprise ourselves.

With every new milestone Jessen hits – smiling, lifting his head up, starting to try to roll over – I feel both sad at how fast he’s growing and grateful for the little boy he is becoming. And I realized I’m navigating that same tension with myself as well. It’s okay – and maybe even necessary – to allow ourselves to both miss who we used to be and celebrate who we’re becoming.

Sometimes we are the barrier to our own change. I too often get in my own way when I say things like “but I’ve never done that before” or “that’s not what I normally would do” or “but I’ve always been this way.” We have the freedom to change if only we’re courageous enough to realize it and embrace it. And as we learn to release control and allow ourselves to be shaped, molded and stretched, we can rest assured that even as we grow, the God who is growing us remains the same. We have the privilege of changing, of trying new things, of failing and trying again because God remains the same yesterday, today and forever. Because our identity is ultimately grounded in him. 

So as I celebrate the change and the growth in my baby, I’m reminded that I need to celebrate it in myself as well. Change is hard but necessary. Growth is painful but good. And God remains the same through it all.

Now, I can’t wait to sit on this shore again next year and see who I’ve become. 

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” – Hebrews 13:8 

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” – Isaiah 43:19

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